I started out the day wondering if I was living in some alternate universe. I went through my morning routine, got the kids to daycare, went to the ATM, went to my dad's store. I cried and cried and cried in that parking lot. It was the first time I had cried in days. I was moved by my dad's support and his caring. I haven't always had the best relationship with my dad. I've always loved him-but didn't always make the time for him that I should have. I went to work. I went to the bank, I went to Hannaford, I went to the town office (but they were closed) and I went back to the bank. My to do list keeps getting longer and longer. As I cross off one thing 13 more get written in. Yet-as I went about my day I felt like I was observing all of this happening-like I wasn't really doing all of those things. It's hard to describe. I felt like I was on auto pilot for most of the day.

I got to spend some time with a wonderful friend from work. She was my support system for getting the papers notarized today. We had a great conversation-even if it was in the parking lot of the closed Town Office. Hilarious that I had about 15 people say to me-"Hey, I saw you at the Town Office today" She really helped me put some of my issues into perspective.

More than once today I said "I feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life, like I'm going to give up everything I have and regret it later on." I continued to feel that way most of the day. I again, felt like I was in some alternate universe, that this wasn't really happening to me-that it was all a bad dream, one I would wake up from tomorrow. I made it through a 3 hour baseball practice thanks to my wonderful friends whose sons are also on the All Star team. They helped me tremendously with Peyton and Isabelle. I was so happy that we made it through alive I decided I would get them some McDonald's as a reward. Very rarely do I stop at McD's-but they love it and I knew they would appreciate it. As I was leaving, my phone rang. (I still don't know how to answer the ugly thing!) It was THE girl. The one who turned my world upside down a week ago. He has another profile. He's found another girl to talk to. This new girl just happens to know old girl and they compared notes.

I prayed a lot today. I asked God for guidance. I asked him to reveal to me my path. I questioned if I should go through with the divorce or if we should just remain separated and see what happens. Apparently this is how he chose to reveal it to me. I have to admit it didn't hurt quite as much as it might have a week ago. I don't know if that's a good thing or if it's a bad thing. Does it mean that I just don't care as much anymore? Or does it mean that I am at peace with the decision I have made? Either way, it hurt-but it didn't render me useless for the rest of the night.

I am a married woman and will stay true to my wedding vows until the day the court determines me to no longer be a married woman. I know it has only been a week, but I have no interest or desire to be in the dating game any time soon, especially after finding out just what happens in that dating world! I need to work on me and regain my faith in humanity and realize that not everyone is out to hurt me, not everyone will break my heart, not everyone will lie to me, and someone might even like me for who I am. I am thankful for all of my wonderful friends and family who are continuing to support me through this time of immense need.