Today, I Got Groceries

Now, to some that seems a very mundane task. To those of you who know me, you know I am creature of habit. I always get groceries at WalMart on Friday afternoons after picking the kids up from daycare and after we enjoy dinner at either Pizza Hut or Jade Palace. I, Misty Martin went to get groceries on a Thursday evening. I still shopped in the same order that I always have, hitting all of the aisles in the same order, still buying what I always buy. But I did it on a Thursday, and we didn't have dinner first. And Carson wasn't with us, but that's not all that uncommon now that he's 9 and would rather go to a friend's house or he has practice or any number of things that come up to keep him from being with us. The most noticed difference was the lack of-my husband.

I don't think that I have gone grocery shopping without him in over 2 years. It has always been a family affair. Today I realized my family has changed. I only had to shop for 4 people, and those 4 people aren't that picky. They will eat healthy food and they do not require meat and starch at each meal. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was one of the "firsts" The first grocery shopping trip for a family of 4. I'm sure there are many, many more "firsts" to come. Some will be pleasant and some will sting like a million bees. But they will be there and they will be memorable.

I know the saying "Today is the fist day of the rest of your life" and really, all today felt like was the day that I cried myself dry. I cried when I realized the sun was coming up. I cried when I saw Peyton laying beside me in my bed. I cried when I got out of bed. I cried when my best friend called. I cried when Isabelle came into my room. I cried when I folded his laundry. I cried when I put away groceries. I cried when I backed the car up the driveway-another first! I think you get the point. I did nothing but cry all day long. I expected to be all cried out. Yet, as I sit here, alone and lonely I find myself still crying, but it is for a different reason. I'm crying because I think I'm going to be ok. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again tomorrow, because tomorrow is a new day, afterall.