You know how you know you are making changes, but you really don't feel like a different person until something happens that makes you go, "wow?" I had that moment last night. We were supposed to go to dinner last night to talk about what we're going to do. I was prepared to tell him that I can not live like this and that I'm going to stay with my mom for a little while. We had a babysitter and we were supposed to meet at 6. Lo and behold-work happened. This is not anything new for me and I told him that I completely understand that as long as he works for this company I will always play second fiddle. So, the Misty of 6 months ago would have spent the entire night moping and being upset. Today's Misty thought- well, I already have a babysitter. My mom did mention that I should get a sitter and go see Eclipse with her and her friends from work-so that's what I did. We stopped at The Granary for a drink before the movie. I probably should have stopped at one. Downing two sex on the beaches and then going to a movie with really fast moving vampires and dramatic fight scenes between warewolves and vampires probably was not a good idea. Then we decided we should go back for one more drink after the movie. We had a great discussion with the poor bartender which ended in a quick discussion concerning why Edward and Bella can't be intimate without him nearly killing her, while Bill and Sookie go at it like, well...all the time. Interesting. It felt nice to be out without the phone ringing a hundred times wondering how much longer I'll be out, or not having to rush home so he could go to work. I will need to work on getting some friends of my own though.

I got on the scale this morning-wondering just how much damage the bag of popcorn, the box of raisinettes and the 3 drinks did. I am 1 pound less than the ultimate goal I set for myself a year ago when I started this weight loss journey. I have lost around 46 pounds in the last year. I remember this time last year thinking "If I weighed ______ pounds, I would be soooo happy" Not true. I guess the saying is true, that it doesn't matter what you weigh, if you aren't happy with who you are, you won't be happy with what you look like. I still hate looking in the mirror. I hate what I see. I'm a little concerned that I will never have a "healthy" body image. Will I ever just be happy with me?

It's 6:20 on a Saturday morning. I am really kicking myself for that 3rd drink. I am not a big drinker-it doesn't make much sense to drink alone, so I never really had a chance to do so. I need to get my family up and ready to make the trek to Carson's baseball tournament. I am so proud of him. He tries so hard and is so successful at everything that he does. But, he is also very hard on himself if he feels he has failed at something. He's always been a worrier- he cried on his 3rd birthday because he was closer to dying-my goal for him is to help him enjoy life a little bit more and worry a whole lot less, something I've had to learn to do myself. There is nothing to gain by worrying. It'll all turn out ok in the end.