Not Baby Steps...

Big Girl Steps. That's what yesterday was all about. I put on make up, I put on a skirt, I did my hair and I got stuff done. I went to the bank. This is a big deal because I never, ever, ever went to the bank myself. I sat in one office and then the next and I got stuff done. I took steps to ensure that my children will not suffer because of the choices made by the adults in their life. Unfortunately for them-he is still choosing himself over his family and won't be making this easy for us financially. But really, I didn't expect much else. But like I told Peyton last night-as long as we love each other, that's all that really matters right now.

Next, I made a really difficult stop. I went to see my dad. I told him what was happening and promised him that no matter what happens, I will payback those last 3 loan payments. It was very hard to admit defeat. It was difficult to stand in that store and be strong, and it was hard to see the pain in my father's eyes. But it was another big girl step that I had to take.

I went to Verizon and I got my own cellphone in my own name. The story is really funny-but it's probably best saved for another day. Let's just say that I have a lot of things to learn-and this experience was certainly ALL about learning. In the end I walked away with one of the ugliest phones in the store-a far cry from the wonderful Windows phone I have been using, but it's about starting over. As I left Verizon with my own contract-in my own name, and my own phone-I realized that it's mine and there is nothing that anyone else can do to take that away from me. Nobody can control what I do with it, whether it's working or not, and nobody is going to run the bill up on me. It's mine!

And then I went somewhere I had hoped to never have to go. I was not strong enough to go alone and I thank God that I have such a wonderful support system right now. A wonderful, dear friend came with me to the courthouse. I was shocked at how easy it was to get divorce papers. Walk up to the window, pay $5 and walk away with a pack of papers. I guess they make that part so easy because the rest of it is so difficult. I still haven't filled them out yet. They're sitting on the table. I need to find the strength to take that next step.

I took big girl steps yesterday. I still cried. I found myself laughing a few times. And once I even caught myself singing REALLY loudly in my car. I really can't help it though, Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg make it impossible to not sing along. My list of big girl steps keeps getting longer and longer, my responsibilities bigger and bigger, my sadness deeper and deeper, but my faith is getting stronger and stronger.

I have amazing friends and a fantastic family. I have so many people pulling for me and holding me up right now there is no possible way I can fail. People that probably shouldn't be helping me out, people that I had pushed aside for a very long time. People that I was convinced didn't care about me or what happened to me. People-I see now-who love me and care about me and want the real Misty to make it out of this stronger than ever.

I told the boys last night. I had hoped it would be a discussion that we could have as a family. It didn't work out that way, but I made a promise to them that we are going to be the best little 4 person family that has ever existed and I swore to them that they would remember this as the best summer of their lives instead of the summer their parents got divorced. And we start working on that today...I made a promise afterall, and I don't make promises I can't keep.